How to Lose Sanity
by ivybluesummers
Summary: Ryota Miyagi surveys the opinions of his teammates so that he can attract Ayako’s attention, even just for a minute, and sincerely tell her his feelings. Includes swearing, surreal thoughts and all that crap. One shot.


A piece inspired after re-reading "Catcher in the Rye". Standard disclaimers apply.

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**How to Lose Sanity**

Boy was he moronic! If Miyagi had been the first person to be informed of launching ballistic missiles in the gymnasium he'd be already sitting atop of them. Call it desperation at that. The idea would be plausible even to the shrewdest speck of existence, and swear to kami-sama he must've been punishing him. Riyota Miyagi, one of the best basketball players in Shohoku (and also infamous from his "spooky" fixation towards the Basketball Club's manageress), is asking for advice, asking how to "sincerely" tell Ayako his feelings. Obviously this sounds unoriginal and all that crap, but it's nevertheless the most chivalric idea from a hopeless romantic like him; to separate his ego just one moment from his physicality and let the soul of humility and embarrassment possess him. On the contrary of all this, the loud-mouthed redhead has been talking gibberish Ryota was already cursing, telling himself that he'd never ask advice about love and that shitty cliché to someone who actually have never experienced intimate relationships. He really did.

"...And so keep on impressing, man! One way or another she'll blush like hell," Sakuragi has been shouting as he blushes. Ryota, on the other hand, was already tiptoeing away from the locus of all mortification. He had to admit, however, Hanamichi was as hopeless as he is; you couldn't blame it all to someone like him to create the most perfect formula for love potions. Geez, that redhead must've been having wet dreams at that. If his memory serves it right, he, to boot, had been perverted from such desperation. Last week, when some phony guy recited at their class trying to be that genius and all, he thought he saw Ayako staring at him. Then, after class, she waited for him. Surprising as it was, Ryota's bliss is tantamount to orgasms he's been having. She asked if he would skip the practice for some coffee or whatever, go to the museum as their teacher assigned them; Ayako herself was offering a date and all Ryota would do was fucking grab it. Then, after skipping practice and after having coffee, after going to museum, he'd take her home. And before the manageress forgets, she kisses him in the forehead. Yeah, in the forehead. It was understandable for the point guard perhaps, it was only the first date. Damn. How romantic movies affect Ryota's sanity.

Eventually the practice ended and all that Ryota can think was to avoid Sakuragi's incessant teasing via the glints in his eyes. It was upsetting; it really was. The trouble is, during the practice game, he keeps on executing exhibitions for Ayako's eyes to feast; one lay-up, three-points, fake and all that. It was cheap, he admits. Sakuragi has thrown the ball towards the manageress as to make Ryota the "knight in shining armor"; when the latter tried to grab it, well how moronic he was! All Miyagi can remember was a very encompassing slap in the face as if his eyes jumped out from its sockets; so yeah, he grabbed Ayako's flesh instead. Anyway, as the practice ended, Ryota impulsively dashed towards the locker room to save himself from another humiliation, then, all of a sudden, upon opening his cubbyhole, he felt sad. He really did.

The last time he felt sad was when he thought he could never play basketball again. Being dumped by phony girls is just for boredom's sake anyway. He felt depressed. He really did. It's as if the whole damn human race has been obliterated and he's the only survivor. He knew quite very well the phoniness and crappiness he's been considering gallant, meticulously suave at that. Ayako, in his opinion, has been overlooking his attempts to convey his "feelings". One time, he thought about telling her to run away from all the vanity in this whole friggin' Kanagawa. They'd be doing camps at the forests of Fuji, dozing in sleep bags and hiking until they get tired. When money runs out, Ryota can apply for a job and they'd get married, have children and live happily ever after. It was preposterous, he admits. The only trouble was, the trouble was that any thought taking Ayako as main spotlight makes the idea sincere. He really meant it when he daydreamed about running away with Ayako. He really did.

So he sat still on the benches of the locker room and thought about it. Of Ayako, that is. He's gone this far and he can't let one jolly disgrace stop him from having Ayako's attention. It all thereby comes down into another great idea as if it descended from the heavens. He thought what he'd do, he'd ask his teammates about relationships and all that. He'd seek, from experienced people, ways to attract Ayako's attention even for just minutes so he could "sincerely" tell his feelings. He was a madman, he admits.

"Ah! Travesty little fellow, I advice you to cut it out," Hisashi Mitsui's face was inexplicable in shock as he uttered this.

"No kidding man, I'm really in need... of advice."

His first list was the ex-gangster. He can be quite a show-off, sometimes ridiculous if you want Ryota's opinion. One time when the team figured they could have some leisure, they went to the movies after practice. It was clear to Miyagi that the ex-gangster has been flirting with the ticket girl, from the way he talks to her that is. When you enter the movie house, you just don't get to speak to the girl who takes the movie ticket from you. You just ignore them. It was ridiculous because this show-off Mitsui has been talking suave with the girl, asking her name, where she lives and all that crap. In the end, the ticket girl ignored the former MVP.

Anyway, the two of them had been early in the practice and Ryota was grateful of it. He doesn't want to get his "stealth" noticed by the object of his affection. And it's very embarrassing when the redhead is around. So Ryota shot the question away. He didn't expect the former MVP's reaction though.

"Are you serious? I thought you're over her?"

"How could I be? I'm monogamous and my love is a soaring bird looking—"

"Okay, let's cut out the fucking chestnut,"

"So? Are you helping me or not?"

"Help you with what?"

"With Ayako I mean,"

"I don't want to be Alicia Silverstone,"

"Eh? You're... you're watching Miss Match!"

"No I don't," Mitsui has said almost immediately, perfectly mechanic at that.

"Haha. Slip of the tongue, buddy. That's what Freud thinks."

"Whatever. Listen, if you really want to grab Ayako's attention you must... impress her, you give her the exhibitions at the right time, at the right place... smooth, yeah, that's what you call it."

Oh, a shift in the conversation. Ryota had to smile unnoticed in the ex-gangster's visual periphery because one catch of it will be the end of his life. So Ryota was right, the roughness of Mitsui is just phony. How amusing, Ryota thought. Mitsui is as hopeless as he is; it's entertaining in spite of this little discovery. Anyway, Miyagi has felt bored from Mitsui's show-off talks. He sorta' thought he'd get the most sensible advice but there you have it, another counsel akin to Sakuragi's stupidity.

"Take it suave,"

"Eh?"

"Have you been listening at all?"

"Uh, uh-huh."

"Love letters. No address that is. They'd send her the tingle," Mitsui twinkled, shooting a three-point and actually missing.

"Well, here comes the couple," he continued as he stopped warming up. Miyagi has been too dragged, too absorbed in matters of truth, on Mitsui's advice. It was crappy, but it was plausible in his ears, he admits. Being the romantic guy he is, which included watching Miss Match and Jack & Jill, the advice was just as good, just as chivalric if you want to ask Ryota's opinion. But it makes him, depressed, in a way. The idea was perfect it makes it more futile to accomplish, and perhaps, the very truth of Ayako's nonchalance or condescension to exhibitionism makes it all vain. It was saddening. Oblivious, thick rubber has slightly tinted his face red. The redhead and fox entered the gym brawling like madmen, which caused an exchange of balls to throw. At any rate, Ryota was still sad. He really was.

After the training, after Akagi's voice has burned everybody else's ears, Miyagi sat still and waited for Kogure-sempai. What he thought he'd do, he would ask his senior guidance in relationships. If you want to know Ryota's opinion, Kogure was an all right person. Although sometimes he could anesthetize your mind for quite a while from too much talking about cooperation and camaraderie and all that crap, Kogure is still an okay person. He never gives you an advice that would endanger your wellness. One time when Ryota was still in odds with Mitsui, even after the latter's return to the team (apparently, issues still haven't been settled that time), Kogure advised him to lay low his boisterousness towards the ex-gangster. He talked with Mitsui, and after some time, they became friends themselves. Anyway, down by the doors of gymnasium, Ryota hoped for the best.

"Well, d'ya really want advice?"

"Yeah, I do. You're the person I can really trust when it comes to this,"

"I'll take that as a compliment,"

"You should..."

"Well, I can't really give the perfect thing to do, I'm actually not very good at this; I guess you have to be more genuine at what you do, you just have to be natural. Be straightforward then."

"Straightforward?"

"If you want to really tell her, then tell her so,"

"Yeah, that's exactly my plan; what I meant is how do I do it,"

"Perhaps you can start by not showing-off," he mocked. "The right feeling would take you telling it to her; it's intrinsic in short."

Perhaps his senior was right? Miyagi has been delved too much on the presupposition of boisterousness he's been overlooking the importance of authenticity, straightforwardness at that. However, it made him sad, in a way. If it's all dependent on whatdyacallit – right feeling – for all rest of fucking mankind, how could we be sure of it? Intrinsic? Intrinsic Ryota's ass. The idea is too idle it makes it all the more boring. He thanked his sempai, though. He doesn't want to ridicule Kogure's sensitive guts at that, because he was nice and all. He was sincere when he thanked Kogure. He really was.

The next day, as the sun peeked on his room, he thought of more people to consult. Talking with Rukawa would be the most painful thing to do in Ryota's butt, possibly because of all the plain signs of silence and disinterest. Geez, Kaede must've been thinking basketball was a girl and kept on getting better at it. Like sex. Oh how perverted! One time after those routinely events after practice, when all are done teasing and changing clothes and all that crap, when Ryota was the last man packing his things and Rukawa the last man practicing, he was sure he saw the ace player kiss the ball. How delusional! Rukawa's so lonely he's been going crazy. He cannot blame it to him though; Rukawa was probably as hopeless as he is.

He also thought of buzzing Akagi for some help, but the gorilla must've been in the school right now. He's a very academic person besides being athletic. It's perplexing, in Ryota's point of view. It's perplexing because for someone as moronic-looking as the gorilla would have the most witty ideas. It's amusing, too, when Hanamichi blabbers about Akagi's sister. Haruko became Ryota's classmate in chemistry once (evidently, the point guard had to take that freaking subject again) and swear to kami-sama the hearts in her face everytime she hears her classmates talk about the alleged heartthrob Rukawa. It was amusing, but it made him sad, in a way. One-sided love is very unfair, if you want to ask Ryota's opinion. It's a futile feeling that eats the rest of your being, just like this familiar despair he's been feeling, the despair that has been eating his being. In a way, he felt awful for Haruko. She's as hopeless as he is. Why wasn't she created as basketball paraphernalia? – perhaps Rukawa would drool over her.

Anyway, after long hours of not sleeping, he got out of his bed and readied for school. What he thought he'd do today, what he'd do was to confront Ayako. Finally. Perhaps it was the "right feeling", because he was feeling all excited and awkward all together. He almost put his boxers after his pants for chrissake. Then, he thought of buzzing Kogure first and thanking him for the shrewdest advice he ever got from a lazy survey of opinions he made but he forgot to, owing to his excitement of course. Sometimes things are done right when one is in the mood for it. You have to ignore some things, perhaps, because you'll never know when the excitement and awkwardness will fade. So, hurriedly, Ryota Miyagi went for school.

In the end, however, he was one fucked up madman.

In the pavements towards school, where specks of sakura leaves functioned as supplementary nuisance for Miyagi, the point guard was as sad as the biggest loser in Inter High, or more than that perhaps. Watery, that's what his eyes are. Kiminobu and Ayako held hands like fucking Kate Winslet and Leonardo de Caprio. Geez, what a sight to behold. Phony and crappy. What Miyagi thought he'd do, he thought he'd hold a party for the team after practice. Yeah, that would be a very good thing to do. Then, when they all get drunk, Ryota would tell Ayako to run away from the whole vanity of it all, from the whole friggin' Kanagawa. They'd be doing camps at the forests of Fuji, dozing in sleep bags and hiking until they get tired. When money runs out, Ryota can apply for a job and they'd get married, have children and live happily ever after. It was preposterous, he admits. The only trouble was, the trouble was that any thought taking Ayako as main spotlight makes the idea sincere. He really meant it when he thought about it. He really did.


End file.
